I Love Livinq Life. I Am Happy.

' i love livinq life . i am Happy . ' Say it with me !



this ABSOLUTELY inspired me - i had to share .

and everybody else , thank you very litte .

the newly titled ' # 1 pet peeve ' .

Omg, girls that post nothing but pictures of their body parts. Your NOT just an ASSET,  don't let that be YOUR value. 

And on the other hand, boys with albums of their body parts? So that's all you are, a piece of ' stomach ' ? 

 um , *shrugs* OKAY.

when i am bummed out about beinq sinqle . . .

*pursed lips* WELL , HONESTLY here 's what i do .

i just go on facebook and look at all the we`re-back-on-again-and-off-again-the-next-day-I-HATE-HER\HIM-&-the-i-hope-she/he-qet-what-they-deserve-kanyewest-bittersweet-crazy-stuff-or-the-i-love-him-so-much-&-we-only-been-together-for-2weeks-dysfunctional-type     couple drama and i feel BETTER about beinq single =] .

LAUGH OUT LOUD .

with much masculinity , i am soooo proud . . .

of the woman i am becominq . HONESTLY , i really am .

LOL

Name : masculinely

my favorite kind of flower : bird of paradise .

' he is the kind of man that has  flowers on his desk ,
than diamonds on his neck .
the kind of man ,
that wears humbliness under his arms forever

rather than ah 64 $ air fraqrance for ah few hours .
i don't want him for his money , or looks .
but for his crazy intellect .'

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm . . .

idk , but am i alone to feel like this whole " Illuminati / satanic / masons " shit is just O__o ?

i don't have the full facts , or whatever . but i watched this video on ah link from facebook [here]  

but uqh that plust that kanye west , power video shit . wait , wait , waitttt ah minute . HONESTLY , that kanye west power video qot me like O__o , to the point i am sleepinq with one eye open , qettinq niqhtmares and shit yooo . idk what to believe , but i am not believinq in anythinq at this point . i am ah touqh person to convince soo . well anyways , crazy shit . i just wanna qet my mind off of it . [here]

[ was supposed to be posted earlier , but shit HAPPENS okay so ]

At one point – I wanted to join the Peace Corp. riqht outta hiqhschool . i felt like i wanted to save  the world . and i felt it possible . but here while , I want to start an orqanization – here in sudan – ah volunteer thinq that ‘ll clean up the streets and plant more trees around the city , Khartoum . My cousin said she wanna help . I think that sudan is beautiful ! I love it here . BUT - i notice people doinq this shit ALL the time , just throwinq empty bottles around , like it aint shit . AND ITS NOT . but funny thinq , i almost cauqht myself doinq the same durinq my stay . and reason is , there arent even available trash bins anywhere to be found to throw your trash ! and , i just seem silly to the point where i was hanqinq on to my empty bottle untill i would trash to place it in - & someone like just " throw the shit , why you still holdinq it ? "      #wtfmoment .

and I don’t wanna leave . I feel like , I belonq here – to ah certain extent . off the course of my likes and dislikes about it here . but quh , I just wanna STAY here . and i leave tomorrow back to rochester , minnesota . i just sure hope alot has chanqed - i am so sick of chokinq on the same air .

" everyone looks like an enemy, and I see myself in everyone . "

| Charles Hamilton .

1.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on KORN


2.The N Word(Neighbor)

3.Runaway Groom

4.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Eminem

5.The Moment

6.Free Download

7.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on 50 cent or Cold Play

8.Lip Service

9.The North Pole

10.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Isely Brothers

11.Gloves

12.Way Cool

13.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Incubus

14.Ya'll Can't Live His Life

15.Dummy

16.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Marilyn Manson

17.Word Aight

18.Best Blogger Alive

19.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Skee Lo

20.Hott Like The Blog

21.You Dont Know

22.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Lupe Fiasco

23.Beautiful Things

24.Neh Neh Neh

25.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Coldplay

26.Think Twice

27.Charles Hamilton's Thoughts on Earth Wind n Fire

28.Catch My Balls

29.Closer

30.The Hamiltonian Roast

31.MTV CRIBS(video version)

32.MTV2 CRIBS

33.Rihanna

34.Most Likely Too Succeed

35.Water and Oil

36.Talk Show

37.Crown Fried

38.Fine

39.Sun Music

40.Money Right

41.i Go Crazy

42.Listen Well

43.Third Letter

44.All Alone

' i can love you to death and leave no witness , its like the mindslauqhter in the first deqree , now and your sure you want that ? '

" they cant kill your dreams so they assassinate your character . "




| kanye west .

MEMORiES .

third day of ramadan .

omq - i am dyinq here . its HOT AS HELL . and the day seems so lonq , and am constantly thirsty and hunqry . but mostly thirsty .

"   Ramadan is the ninth month of the Muslim calendar. The Month of Ramadan is also when it is believed the Holy Quran "was sent down from heaven, a quidance unto men, a declaration of direction, and a means of Salvation.

It is durinq this month that Muslims fast. It is called the Fast of Ramadan and lasts the entire month. Ramadan is a time when Muslims concentrate on their faith and spend less time on the concerns of their everyday lives. It is a time of worship and contemplation.

Durinq the Fast of Ramadan strict restraints are placed on the daily lives of Muslims. They are not allowed to eat or drink during the daylight hours. Smokinq and sexual relations are also forbidden during fasting. At the end of the day the fast is broken with prayer and a meal called the iftar. In the eveninq followinq the iftar it is customary for Muslims to qo out visiting family and friends. The fast is resumed the next morninq.   "

the first day of Ramadan , i had nothinq to eat before i went to bed . and so i fasted on my what i had ate for iftar . and it sucked . i went to tarwee'h for the first time in my life . which is the lonqest prayer i ever prayed at the mosque - in which my qrandmother had endorsed/built 'masqid al sayyida sanhoury' . i prayed 17 ra'akats ! 

today is third day of Ramadan , i have 6 days left here . i don't wanna leave Sudan - i absolutely love it here . but i will definitely be back here in December . when its alot cooler . and as for studyinq here - i dk . and i don't think so .

at this riqht now .

Today .

i was for some reason . . . annoyed , and pissed off idk why . it was hot and i actually straiqthened and combed out my nappy ass hair lol - alot came out . well , i didn`t last lonq - i sweated on it and now i just feel like washinq it all out with cold water .

we , my niece lol , who is actually older than me by ah few , and i am her aunt , and my sister and cousin and his wife went to the Nile Street . parked our car , and found ah spot to sit on the qrass . and ppl there just lay on the qrass and enjoy cups of tea and buy stuff that are beinq sold by walkinq vendors and enjoy the swarminq mosquitos near the beautiful Nile River . if you can imaqine what happens at the fourth of july , at least at Rochester , its exactly the same . ppl sit on the qrass in qroups and chat till 2 or 3 in the morninq .. its really nice . so i just qot home - and its like about 1 : o1 in morninq . and well , i felt better after that . i went with this jump suit lol . [ this picture was taken today ] i probably broke necks . and lol my niece , was talkinq shit out  loud about these two quys that obviously were flirtinq and i paid no attention to them . they were here on vacation from saudi arabia or somethinq and what i love about my niece is that she talk soooo much shit - lol and she doesn't care who hears lol . and anyways - he and his friends embarassed themselves, kust i wasn't interested . neither was my sister and neice and married cousin . he looked like the back of my foot with hair . lol . he said i was " respectful " and made side comments and questions to my niece and sister . anyways - ppl here just so attracted to ppl who come from the outside . and i saw some white ppl lol walkinq lol . suprisinqly there is alot of chinese / philliphinos ? / indonesian / asians here . lol . oh and here - ppl come some MAJOR ASS STARING PROBLEMS . GUH . actually most PPL here . even qirls . and another wieird thinq - quys hold each other's hands - o__O  and the qirls too . AWK x 30 ! anyways , i probably qot some much sins talkinq shit about the ppl walkinq by lol . well qood niqht for now .

piercinq . .

I want ah lip piercinq so bad - pretty sure I will qet shot down for it but I will take that risk =X .

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mmmm . . .

crazzzzy how i met someone . he's not YOU , but in soooo many ways he looks , act , talks like you . am i crazy to think that this maybe ah "concidental " meetinq . hmmm . . .

quh ; i am off this - am off you , the both of YOU's .



ps i am writinq this in ah car on my laptop lol ; with a ' Sudani mDSL ' internet USB thinq as i am drivinq home on ah bummy road in ah old ass Mercedes : 2:00 am .


tomorrow , i want to qo to apply to ah medical school here . inshallah ; i am considerinq , just considerinq studyinq here . like i am way more motivated to study here in sudan then in america . well , qoodniqht for now .

the streets of sudan .

the

REAL biq .

biq head ; biq hair ; biqqerdreams . biqqer fish to catch . i am standinq on my biq qirl toes .

:/

" he ain`t Mr. Riqht , he is Mr. Riqht Now ."

" if you fall for me , i`m not easy to please . imma tear you apart told you from the start , baby from the start . i`m only qonna break break ya break break ya heart . "

" breakyourheart " - Taio Cruz

thirteen

 

13 more days . i haven't packed ; shopped ; or done shit .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

- i completed my damn Fafsa after yyyyyearrrss of procastinatinq on it .

- um ; ordered my phone shells -- custom desiqned mine and sister's . i actually created this desiqn [above]  in november 2009 when i qot my phone . but i never ordered it until now . what else - sent ah few emails . had some vimto . mmm .

-----------------------------------------------------------------

sudan : i qotta keep in mind the humidity , likely rain ,  mostiquitos and my allerqies - no straiqht hair ; cotton clothinq only ; no sneakers :/ . no stayinq out late - i don't think buq spray works lol or sun block . claratin supply for 2.5 months . etcetera , etcetera !

hm its been ah day <3 .

ASK ME ANYTHING .

On this post , you may ask me anythinq . and i promise to answer it honestly . anythinq . . .



[
- you can click "comments" under this post .
- type your question and under your comment click the drop down selection "Select Profile" .
- you can choose "Anonymous" if you don't want me to know or any of the other options there .
- post your question .
]

today . . .

hmm , so i woke up this morninq with ah stronq desire to do some math . solvinq inteqrals to find the area under the curve and rotatinq that area around the x &OR y axis to make ah 3D object ; usinq the inteqral to find the volume of that object ; and derivatives in Calculus to be precise .
[ d ` ^_ ^]  is this crazy ? well i know for ah fact that my next semester schedule will have Calculus in it .

pavement paintinqs .

this type of art : pavement paintinq , amazes me . i believe this type of art alonq with spray paints should really be more appreciated . its interestinq that ; if you were out on the street lookinq at these paintinqs , you have to look at these paintinqs from only one qood anqle to really see it . so if you were stand on the opposite side , the imaqe would be completely unclear as to what it portrays . so its not readinq poetry , where you just skim throuqh it and not see the opposition of the author . for this type of art , you must stand at the anqle to see what artist is actually proposinq . and that's how i want ppl to really see ME . i mean i dress like ah bum , half the time not kust i am lazy , but i don't really qive two bucks about what you think of what i wear . " don't ask what i wear , kust i wear what i want " -- b.o.b . let aside your first impression , and qive me ah second look .

* first is the " Globe " from one anqle and the second is the qlobe seen from the wronq-side .

* third is the " Baby Food " , and fourth is " Baby Food " from the wronq-side view .

these are done by Julian Beever . for more [ here ]

out of sense .

" love is what amalqamated ah human with ah beast . powerful , love is what makes ah beast , human . . . "
 -- r.a.e

where i will be .

Sudan trip : 21 days to qo .

KLM ROYAL DUTCH AIRLINES  .

June 14 -- Minneapolis , Minnesota 

June 16 -- Amsterdam , Netherlands ; plane at 5 pm

June 17 ish -- Khartoum Sudan

July 29 -- Eqypt

Auqust 25 -- back in the U.S. to start U of M .

qod , please make this trip safe , perfect and enjoyable for me . AMEEN .

* i stopped by RCTC the other day to return my book that was way over due . and return my diq. recorder back to SSSP center . and i saw this pic up on the Shininq Star 2010 billboard . lol . niceee . but man the day this pic was taken was messed upppp , yet i am qivinq my best smile ; smh !
* now i just need my flippinq license !

perfect .

Kurrently playinq : " dreams " -- J. Cole ; Brandon Hines .

" is she as qood as what she seems , or am i lieinq to myself . . . " - j. cole

on my usual browsinq , i found this on one of my friend`s paqe notes :

" What is a perfect girlfriend? They say there’s no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn’t exist. She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste. You call her insecure. She holds on to you like she’s never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she’s lucky that she has you, and no, you’re not available. You call her clingy. She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there’s nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls “babe” just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed. You call her shallow and jealous. She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you’re not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that’s how much she cares. You say she’s nagging. She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying “That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU.” You call her overly sensitive and emotional. She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn’t like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away. You call her dramatic and annoying. So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl. She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her:

the perfect boyfriend. "

tears riqht ?

lookinq back , damn .

lookinq back at my old free hand writinqs i used to write back in 2008 , and damn . like read this :

 [USEd UMbReLLA .* ]

"you use me when you needed it . grae rainy day , it was . but right here , you threw me after you was through with me ; no longer a new um[B] r [E] [L] [ L] [a] . A thought ; it came to ya head like a knock on the door ; after coming through you decided ; you didn;t need me ;the umbrella, no more. [used] one night is all it [ took ]. one minute of pleasure was all it [hooked]one missed.period ; to kill the unlived life , i took . All the rest of her life , likethis she was booked . many girls , as well . are opened and closed of there  horrid pages ; stirfried and cooked. going back ; you more then my umbrella . i was your meal for the night . you ate my meat , and threw my bones . well its what you wanted , so there have it. after all you didn't care . and neither did Bella . night after night , bar guys after booze . Depression took place of her abuse . Him , alcohol to pigs to pussy cigs more amuse now days he addictd' , he can;t blink with out getting . intruded ; drugs stashed where he could , more pussy and now more weed. that ain't a life , son . still ya heart poorly in compressing , out depressing , hun . as your lungs can take in no more fun . ya throat , nose , more, bleeding . from all the sniffing , and coughing . brain so high , your vision is fucked ; so where;s the bed ? only thought in his head . as ya other short straight "foot " takes ya , your half dead . no emotions . so when you finally reach, & meet me. here;s my soul; here ;s my used protection , here;s me to you . Though a mini shirt woulda attracted you more ; only for today ama be your whore.  i am Grae-jeaned Bella ; here have my used umBrELLA ."

[ rae wroted in 2008]

i mean i was lauqhinq at myself at how silly this shit is . i love it thouqh . i actually entered this free hand in to this Internet contest in hopes of winninq 500 $ for first place . compared to the shit ppl was submittinq , mine KILLED all . but i didn't even win 10th place , in comparison to the  two lines MEANINGLESS "haiku poems" , and shit ppl wrote . they wrote me back and said it was disqualified and " inappropriate for viewers " some shit alonq those lines . i mean i edited my words and place " better " synonyms but whatever , they can lick my ass clean . i think my shit was from SOULFUL heart .

amazinnnnqq .

" doubt " -- mateo .

this sonq has been on replay for the last 3 days , hell , 2 weeks . and its stuck in my head . i never was ah biq fan of mateo , i mean i am ah biq sean over jayz , j cole over drake , kid cudi and charles hamilton any GIVEN day , type of qirl . and what's on the radio is really CRAP to me . and i love that the music i listen to , MOST ppl don't listen to . i qive everythinq ah listen before i leave it , but this sonq in particular : CAUGHT ME . i like how i can have this sonq and beinq in trancee mood . like completely qoneeeee off ah hiqh , and not in actualization mood till about the sonq is over to hit replay . today , i had was just able to concentrate on my workout in this " trance " , ie 49sits ups [ biq up ; from when i started with 10 lol ]  I HATE SIT UPS . but qotta put ol' snowman into shape . but sinq this sonq to me , i promise you ll make my day .

just ah note :

i hate sayinq shit i end up reqrettinq . i feel like such ah hypocrite , but fuck , i said it . but i really love that about myself , like i have somethinq to say i will say it , no thouqht . you can say i am a " what's on my heart , is on my tonque " type of person .

joke .

insiqhtful : < / 3 i actually cried .

fuck love all toqether ; to the deepest level in hell . that's the last time i ever opened up to opposite qender . love is ah joke , and i simply , no lonqer lauqh at it . this sudan trip will make me forqet everythinq . i don't believe i will come back at this point . i no lonqer have ah reason to .

misery follows like ah shadow .

how are you able to live , enjoy happiness if there is always ah shadow of misery to follow you  perceptively ?  truthfully : you can't .

today , i have everythinq that most women don't . i have the beauty , the brains , the curiosity , the creativity in any work or thouqht i am put into , the education , the parents to support me , and on . so i asked myself : why i am not happy with this ? its quiet interestinq how the human intellect works : consider this . when i was younqer i wanted the most expensive doll that no one in town had , hell the whole country . my dad would used to always buy me ah doll on his way back home from the saudi arabian airport , when he visited . it made me happy and when the next time , i qot a newer doll , i loved the newer doll more . and qave little to no consideration to the previous doll . now in life , i realize i am followinq the same philosphy . the better thinq , the more intriguing item to my eye , is what i qive consideration to and when i qet somethinq better , i disreqard the previous . its no wonder , i am always in need of chanqe for the new . and to analyize : when i don't qet ah dose of new , misery , wretchedness becomes my shadow . the simply solution : appreciate the reflection in the mirror .

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

dear misery ,

i write to thee to promulqate after today , you shall never conquer me . i am aware you miqht return numerously , to test my strenqth , and take boon and avail my weakness -- that's only in ah dream . but listen here bitch , you have taken 6 years of this qirl's life . without a window of liqht for her to look out throuqh . and you see that qirl up there that's the qirl i am talkinq about . and everytime i see her ,  i love her more dearly . and that same qirl you thouqht you would lock in tower for the human kind to never see who she is . shes qonna be the qirl that takes every step , every bounce back up and every fall with me . she's been there all alone , and for to me realise this : its prodiqiousness . this qirl , miqht meet ah man . and that man miqht carve his own path out her life to be another stranqer . she miqht have children who may qrow to be stranqers . and her friends may part to be more incremented stranqers . but this qirl riqht here , she will always be familiar to me at every day that i qlance in the mirror . she is me , she is my reflection , my happiness . i am happy with who she is . she will always be by my side like ah shadow , the place you used to be . qood bye bitch .

sincerly ,

the qirl i used to be .

let the insense burn .

today didn't start off so well . so instead i decided to make ah turn around . they say when you are havinq ah lonesome day where you feel like you don't have much , make ah list of all the thinqs in your life that you appreciate and have . so here qoes . . .

1.

as i sit here and try to collect my thouqhts .

here's what i qot thus far . . .


(blank paqe)

desire , wants , and needs .

well damn bloqspot , it's really been ah minute !

kurrently playinq : " desire , wants , and needs " -- biq sean .

some updates :

birthday                march 14

stablization            march 22

destruction            march 13

on an admitt : around the birthday my mentality fell below levels . destruction . i had balled ; cried my heart out and lauqhed all in 7 hours ; and compressed back to low . and its funny how i never really felt " older " till today . and still feel hella weird sayinq am " 19 " . stablization . i look back at my hiqh school years ; and i had the hiqhest confidence ; no one ever f*cked with me . i sat crossed leqqed lauqhed at silly hoes tryinqa be me . and i never tore a liqament . now ; its like thee silliest bitches qet to me . quess i miss thee company . the bad apples in the ziploc made it feel homely .

promise thinqs will chanqe after this summer thouqh . [ everythinq ] . bekause this is what i live for ; this is what i die for ; this is what i stayed up every sinqle niqht for . this is what i waited my whole life for .

my desires : __ x ; lastinq <3 --  sick of the trial and error relationships ; i hope this lasts .

my wants  : avoid neqativity ; avoid pessimism ; face ah fact : i am 19 only once . forqet how ; what i did to put myself in misery .  live life like fuck what you thouqht . make ah career choice .

my needs : brinq up qrades ; deal with certain individuals on ah outside base level than deeper -- it hurt too many times . a flippin licensce ! realize : i am me today not who i was 3 years back . realize : it really is , easier done than said . convincinq . balance life out .  eat shit and think about success ; i done had enouqh stress .

" learned at ah younq aqe you qotta qrind for it ; we been waitinq all day & niqht for it [ seem like i been waitinq all life for it ] some niqqahs will take ah life for it . "

knocked back three .

kurrently playinq : lupe fiasco ft. Gemini + Sarah Green "He Say She Say"



It sucks to know that all your hard work went to waste.. just like that .


you work to build a relationship back with an old friend . and you .. just frustrated kust they just the same old shit pile they were and still are . and that's why you left em in the first place . Quess this person is never to be kept on my recycled friend bin . *empties bin* . qood bye old friend .

---------

lotta thinqs been on my mind . and i wish i could pluq my earphones in my brain and qive you the ear buds to hear what i am thinkinq kust it would make so much sense . i have woken up the last few days to plenty self-actualization moments . and it just make me think . but led me to no decision of any sort . for so lonq , i have qave up on the word "hope" all&toqether now. hope for anythinq in my life to chanqe . hope for me to ever find love . hope for a better future ; a clearer future . and the thouqht of some thinqs just make my stomache sick . *lonq siqh* it just feel like i been soulless&heartless for so lonq . and its hard to be and feel when you like that . and you eventually just lose all hope . and its qreatly hard to explain this deeper level of thouqht to someone who sees your outside and has never opened up to see yo inside . kust if they did ; there'd be alot of open space, cuts; burns and bruises .

--------

some days its sunny but it aint soo [ hauqht ] . on most days i feel like i qotta try so hard not to let it show . but i worked and plowed extra harda ; i really have and it feel like i made twostepsforward only to realize i qot

 knockedbackthree .
.
but its like am born from the stands ; you know that world is out to qet me ; why don't you qive me a chance ?

--------

trust is key .

 noun --
1 . A confident expectation of something; hope.

--------------------

trust is a qreasy . its so hard to earn . & extra hard to keep just as money is , these days . how simple it is to tell someone "don't worry ; trust me , i qot you ." how easy it is to fall ; and for him to say i cauqht you .

--------------------

the key to my heart is trust . if i don't have it for you ; then you miqht as well show me some of your famous shoulder work . and the answer to any question of the past is a " that was the past ; i am livinq the present " . how irritatinq is it for 23 ppl to pop and ask you about the past . how fishy is it of them to wanna know so much about yo business . when they barely act like they care . funny how ppl would just reacha deqree of fakiness i hiqly can't tolerate .

note to self : avoid fake ; pessimistic ppl at all cost .

---------

my hope for year is to to find the REAL . avoid the fake . not reveal too much : in clothes and in words . love the fact that ; i wouldn't find another like him . and hope ; if all ends well , i keep

and qain trust for him .

kold pillow toniqht .

firstbloqq .

------

alot thouqhts been on my mind and its hard to keep it all in my head or text it to phone diary note . so i let the finqers press on whatever to qet everythinq off my chest . well everythinq was qreat and happy till i made a step closer . and i wish i never did . there some thinqs i wished my eyes can [unsee] and my heart could [unfeel] .

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and first off ; alot ppl warned about havinq a bloqsite : ppl can see everythinq . they qet and lovemake on your business . which is true ppl just feed off other's shit ; in simple terms but i say ; you welcomed to know w.e. if we feel the same and if our feelinqs differ feel free to hit the [x] kust i wouldn't care . so ; now that, that's clear and out .

today ; i learned that no matter what you try to hide from someone . it some how ; ... some how . happens to qet to the other person .. aqain some how . [blood is hard to unstain] . *lonq siqh* and riqht when i thouqht i would never open up to the other qender type -- aqain in my life . i found my self floatinq aloft and carried downstream . not knowinq where i am qoinq or where this carriaqe will take me . i have left off everythinq aside and focused on you . and simple as i miqht put it . i fell hard n broke a tooth . and prob. even bled some heartache today . and for the first time . aqain after i promised myself not to . but offcourse you would apoloqize . and come to think of it over what ? the internet ? no but it just would be sooo nice if ppl didn't hide shit till you find out -- even if you tellinq the truth and admittinq it after . its not the same if you would have came in the beqn. and said hey babe this is what happened . and i thouqht i would let you so it wouldn't be a katstrophy when you find out yourself . WHY CAN'T STOP BEINQ SO SCARED OF WHAT'S QONNA HAPPEN IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH BEFORE THE OTHER PERSON FINDS OUT ? .. but trust me its a less snowball efffect that way . and for me trust is huqqqeee . you lose my trust and you lose any lifeline connection . .. and u can't hide thinqs forever -- but i still love you dearly .

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well if the earthquake ; the rain ; and the pain has stopped please let me know .. i wanna sleep toniqht alone -- on a koldkold pillow toniqht .